So remember how last week it was really fun and silly? Well, that’s all over now. It quickly became the “Taylor looks really ugly when she cries” episode.
We’re back where we left off last week, with the girls rousing from their naps and freshening up for dinner. Kim interviews that she was half asleep and Taylor came in and jumped on her. We see Taylor and Kim laying in bed together, where Taylor endlessly whines about what a loser she thinks she is. “If you were going to bet on someone, I would never bet on me”. Talks about growing up poor and how afraid she is of going back to that. Kim encourages her. Taylor says it’s easy to be drawn to Adrienne because she has no problems. Kim interjects that everyone has problems and less than desirable things happen to them, but to focus on the good things. Taylor “I feel so fragile because of everything I’m going through. I feel so bad about what I’ve done to you.” I have a feeling that word ‘fragile’ is going to be used a lot this season. I’m passing out shots. We get a flashback of Taylor threatening to go Oklahoma on Kim’s ass. Kyle jumps in bed and asks what’s going on. Taylor apologizes to Kim and says “I was such an asshole to you.” Kim agrees with her and they all laugh hysterically.
We get more shots of the kitchen staff preparing dinner. Kyle comes in and greets them, asking their names, then wonders where all of the girls are. Back in her room, Kim reveals that Taylor is hiding in Kyle’s suitcase. At this point, Taylor is just being a little silly and needy. They baby her and urge her to go get ready. Taylor’s hair looks like refried shit. Kyle and Kim each separately go to check on Taylor and get yanked into the room by Taylor. Okay, it’s getting a little weird now. Kim, probably starting to get a little tired of this, goes to Adrienne and urges her to check in on Taylor. Taylor, needing everyone in the house’s attention, is now bothering Lisa, who has gripped her elbows and asked her what’s going on. Taylor whines that her makeup is gone. Adrienne comes in and Taylor yanks herself out of Lisa’s grip and brats off. For whatever reason, everyone except Camille goes in and looks around for this fucking makeup bag. The makeup bag is found by Kyle in what I think was Kyle’s bathroom, and Taylor insists she didn’t leave it there. Everyone urges her to get ready. Throughout this whole segment, everyone interviews about how weird the behavior is, thinking it’s the altitude and she had too much to drink.
Lisa and Camille discuss Taylor a bit. Everyone goes to sit down in the kitchen, I guess for drinks and appetizers before sitting down for dinner. Taylor walks in and is almost a walking skeleton–she’s sickeningly skinny. Taylor talks about how she never eats. Kyle, continuing to coddle Taylor, brings her some coke(the soda, not the thing everyone thinks Kim is on) and puts some lip gloss on her. Holy shit. I swear that scene is just there because during my recap of last week’s show, I decided to get a picture of how disgusting Taylor’s lips look in every ep. Taylor purses her lips for the gloss, and I swear I recoiled in disgust.
Taylor is wondering why she needs lip gloss. Which is actually the most sense she’s made this whole episode. Why is she putting on lipstick when she’s about to eat? And why did they all get kinda dressed up if it was just the group of them eating in Camille’s dining room? I mean, Kim was in the bathroom essentially putting on stage makeup. Adrienne tells Taylor that she’s having a nervous breakdown. She pulls her off to the side and whispers to her to pull it together. I know Adrienne did this because she felt she was trying to save Taylor from completely embarrassing herself on tv, but it’s really all for naught, since I feel like Taylor is just soaking up the attention. Taylor drunkenly apologizes to Camille.
Best line in this whole ep? Kyle, saying in an interview “I feel bad for Taylor, but we’re on vacation; come on.” Nice to see Kyle getting a little fed up with this bullshit. Maybe I’m just a stone cold bitch, but I would never coddle a person acting the way Taylor is during this ep. I would have encouraged her to get on the phone with her therapist, rather than enable all the crying about how fragile she thinks she is. At the table, Taylor blurts out to Camille that being in Mason’s room set her off, because she was “recognizing what he did to you.” I’m completely disturbed at this point. And just fucking sick of Taylor’s ass. Camille, not really knowing what to do, embraces her. Then Taylor reveals what I’m thinking, that it’s not really that she’s upset for what happened to Camille, but “It could happen to my own child.”, so once again, it’s really all about Taylor. Lisa is behind Camille, looking concerned, but in an interview she says “Taylor always looks like such a victim to me, she seems to dissolve into tears at all times.” Sing it, Lisa. And she’s being far nicer about it than I am able to be.
They all sit around and focus on Taylor. I would love to know what was going on in their minds as they looked at her, because, my God, she looks terrible. It just can’t be said enough. Kyle, meanwhile, looks completely over the “Feel Sorry for Taylor” show.
We are treated to a completely unnecessary scene back in LA with Paul, Mauricio and Ken out for a drink. Why does Bravo do this? Why do we need a shot of the guys going out while the girls are on a trip? Mauricio is jealous that they got to go to CO, suggests the guys go heli-skiing. Which–I have no idea what that is. Ken’s too old, he says. Russell is in San Diego and couldn’t join the guys. Paul interviews that “who knows what’s going on” re:Taylor/Russell. Ken tells them he’s sorry he made the comments he did about therapy because Taylor ended up hurt by it.
Unfortunately, back in Colorado, they are still talking about Taylor. She insists that Russell doesn’t cheat on her, they all feel that’s not a good enough reason not to leave. Lisa wonders how fast everyone would leave if they got hit by their husbands. She asks Taylor if she thinks she deserves better; Taylor doesn’t think she does. Seriously ladies, please suggest she leave the table right now to get her shrink on the phone, rather than continue all this encouraging bullshit. They assure her she’s not a failure.
Taylor sobs, “But I’m in love with him, and that’s what makes me so sad.” Really, Taylor? Because last season you went on and on about how your marriage was essentially a business arrangement and how sad it made you that you, basically, weren’t in love with each other. Someone asks if she’s in love with him or just afraid of being alone. She has no response. FINA-fucking-LLY, someone changes the subject. Kim jokes around to break the tension. Kim’s goofiness works out in times like this.
They arrive back in LA, and Adrienne shocks the hell out of me by taking her sunglasses off in the car on the ride home with Kyle, to reveal she’s not wearing makeup. Truthfully, she doesn’t look at that great since her plastic surgery is more evident, but it’s refreshing to see someone on this show be seen without makeup. I’ve gotten sick of the fake eyelashes every damn day, everywhere. That’s why I tend to prefer the first seasons of all these shows, when they don’t know yet how they look on TV, and don’t opt to have a makeup artist and hairstylist on call for filming days. They discuss Taylor, of course.
In Malibu, Camille’s only friend Dedra sits with her and briefly discuss the trip. I really wonder if they ever talk about Dedra’s life. Camille again says she doesn’t need to maintain the Malibu house(although notes that she can afford it), but isn’t ready to give it up and move her kids.
Kyle and Maurico go to Frida. Guess what they talk about? Not only did they talk about Taylor, but Kyle called her fragile. I’m passing out Vegas Bomb shots. Bottoms up. Mauricio is very diplomatic and is glad to hear Kyle telling him what a great time Kim seemed to have, but in an interview he admits he’s hurt by what Kim said about him during the big blowout and hopes she apologizes to him someday.
Lisa takes Ken to look at the open space next to their restaurant Sur and tries to sell him on the idea of them purchasing it to expand Sur. Although I’m glad that Taylor is not discussed here, it’s boring. Ken wants to retire. Lisa is willing to give him an additional blow job on top of the two a year she now gives.
Jesus, this ep is never-ending. Adrienne packs for Sacramento while Paul talks on the phone about security concerns. Adrienne interviews that it might be their last game in Sacramento, as her ten year mission to get thema new arena hasn’t worked out and they might need to move the team. Paul doesn’t want them to go because he’s worried about how the fans will react to her presence as the owner.
Taylor’s life coach comes by. Oh for fuck’s…So on top of seeing her shrink, she has her life coach to “help me find my voice and speak up for myself more frequently.” They talk about Colorado, and Taylor doesn’t give many details but downplays it by saying she thinks she had a panic attack. She interviews that she should never have talked to her friends about her marriage, that it only confused her and complicated matters. I’m going to read into that and say I think she’s mainly embarrassed that she acted so fucking looney tunes in front of them, and doesn’t want to be so candid again for fear of them withdrawing from her. Life coach tells her she’s doing amazing.
Adrienne and Paul argue in the limo about what suite she’s going to sit in at the game. She interviews that she thinks Paul overstepped his boundaries, and tells him not to interfere with her business. They get on the phone to call Kim, who was supposed to go with them. She says the reason for this is to spend more alone time with Kim, but frankly I think it was more because they knew the cameras would come along, thus getting the team a little more exposure. Kim comes off more than a little bit loopy on the call and slurs through the excuse that her power went out and now she’s getting ready and she’s sorry and she’ll be there in “literally, ten minutes”. Paul doesn’t want to wait for her, knowing she’s at home and most likely about an hour and a half away from arriving. Paul insists that she sounds drunk, and Adrienne tries to reason that Kim was sick on the trip so that’s probably what’s really wrong with her.
Next week, the real shit starts when Brandi Glanville arrives on the scene.