Real Housewives of Beverly Hills–Season 2,Episode 2 “Blame It On the Altitude”

Air date: 09/12/11

I’m going to choose not to comment on the stupid new opening credits they have for the women. At least for the time being.

Kyle moves into her new house, which she says was her dream house for awhile and she wished it into being hers. 7000 square feet with 7 bedrooms. She and Mauricio spot a framed wedding photo and talk about how they couldn’t put it up at their last house, which I’m completely puzzled about. Why not? Makes zero sense to me. I’ve noticed more and more  that I only really seem to enjoy Kyle when she’s with Mauricio and the kids. She’s so charming on those occasions.

Next we’re in Lisa’s amazing closet, which is probably the same size as my entire apartment. She asks her housekeeper for help in packing, as Camille has invited them all out to her house in Beaver Creek, CO before she sells the house. She picks up Giggy a couple of times and kisses him with her lips slightly parted, then calls him a “little sexy boy”.

Adrienne packs while Paul and their dogs look on. She again talks to Paul like he’s a child when she gives him instructions for while she’s away. These instructions include: Drive slow. Lock the doors. Keep the dog inside. Paul is a little annoyed at her instructions and begs off to go wash dog slobber off his hands, but Adrienne insists on first giving him directions. Paul exhales impatiently, much like a child, and Adrienne is taken aback. “Wooow”, she marvels. She interviews that he gives it back to her and she knew that when they got married. He leaves the room and they briefly compete for the dog’s attention.

Taylor and Adrienne travel to the airport together and discuss therapy and marriage. Taylor admits that she basically relinquished all control to Russell and is just now getting up enough strength to do small things like voice her opinion on where to go to dinner. Now, even keeping in mind Taylor’s claims that Russell was physically abusive, I’m still skeptical in this instance. I get the vibe that Taylor was always one of those “whatever you like” kinda girls when she hooked up with Russell, rather than him demanding they eat dinner at whatever place he decided. I know too many girls who, when their boyfriend asks where they should go for dinner, respond with “Oh, I don’t know. Wherever you want to go”. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I pick up that vibe from Taylor, big time.

All of the women, aside from Camille, meet up and prepare to board the plane. Kim is super hyper and acting like this is her first ever vacation. Lisa is visibly annoyed that everyone doesn’t get their shit together and immediately get on the plane. Once on the plane, Kim starts looking at guys, then we see both her and Adrienne punching some guy in the ass while he says “Buns of steel”. Lisa interviews that she’s annoyed by the middle school antics, and we see Kyle tickling a napping Lisa’s nose with a makeup brush. Lisa, don’t be a Caroline Manzo. If you’re going to travel with a bunch of other people, you’re going to have to accept that they will be annoying and tardy; relinquish control and just have a good time. I would’ve been yucking it up with Kim and Adrienne and punching Buns of Steel guy’s ass too, so I guess I’m 13 forever in my heart. They arrive in CO and learn that 25 miles of the main highway are closed and they will have to travel 4 hours to get to Camille’s, which pisses them all off. I would’ve been on my smart phone googling this to make sure it was legit and not producer-driven.

We see Camille setting things up at her Colorado house, which is just fucking awesome. She shows her assistant the house, which is kind of weird to me, because you would think she had been there before or at least arrived with Camille and already seen everything before the cameras were there. Also possible one of the producers urged her to give a tour of the house for the camera. Camille admits she has to sell the house because of the divorce. For whatever reason, her daughter Mason’s room has a full-sized crib in it, and Mason is like 9 at this point. It holds an enormous bear, so maybe she kept it in the room to hold Mason’s stuffed animals. Camille is looking a bit haggard in her interview, I must say.

Back in the limo, Kim is sprawled out like it’s a slumber party and just gabbing away. Kyle, straight up starting some shit, asks Lisa “Was Ken mad at me the other night?” Lisa is annoyed but remains non-confrontational and brief with her answers. She rightly states that “that’s his opinion; he’s entitled to it”. Taylor gets a bitchy look on her face and practically puffs her chest up, saying “But no one really asked for his opinion.” You are so fucking wrong, Taylor, not to mention completely childish.  What I can’t stand about Taylor is that she has no fucking balls unless she’s got someone there that she thinks is going to back her up. Now that Kyle brings this subject up, suddenly Taylor’s got shit to say. Also Taylor? The conversation was between Lisa and Kyle, so you’re interjecting your own damn opinion yourself. I could actually see on Kyle’s face that she thought that was a bitch move by Taylor too, but she says nothing. Kyle interviews that it bothered her that Lisa was siding with her husband whether she felt he was right or wrong. Would you not defend your own husband, Kyle? Lisa’s answers were pretty diplomatic. She put all the responsibility for Ken’s comments on him without agreeing/disagreeing with those opinions, and still supported his right to speak for himself. Taylor is fidgeting with her hair and in a bratty tone repeats that no one asked for his opinion. Lisa, saying what I’m thinking, “Well I don’t think you have to ask for someone’s opinion when you’re sitting at a dinner party.” Fist pump. Taylor sits there for a second, ’cause she knows she cannot go toe-to-toe with Lisa, who will not hesitate to tell her what’s what—and that’s why Taylor is so scared of Lisa. Taylor brats, “He said therapy’s for weak people!!” Dumb.ass. bitch. He did no such thing. And hey Taylor, if you don’t want to appear weak, it’s best not to put words into people’s mouths. Lisa shuts her ass down. “Maybe you need to have this argument with him. End of story.” Taylor looks intimidated as hell here. Lisa rocked the house in that altercation, making me forgetting about how uptight she had been acting thus far this ep.

The women finally arrive at Camille’s and jump out of the car, greeting Camille enthusiastically. Kyle voices over that she’s so happy to see Camille after being trapped in the car with the others. Fuck right off, Kyle. I don’t want to hear any complaints when you stirred some shit back in that limo. Lisa jokes in an interview about Camille’s now dire situation with now being down to two enormous houses. Camille TH’s that two of the ladies will have to share a room, and she thinks it’s more fun to let them choose themselves. Drama is avoided though, as Kyle and Kim agree that the most sensible thing is for the two sisters to share a room.

They all get dolled up for dinner and head out in the limo. They talk about going somewhere so Kim and Camille can look for guys. Kim says to think of it like lifting a large weight, and Camille gets a dig on Kelsey by adding “a large, smelly, hairy weight”. Kyle interviews that Camille is so fun and happy now, and Camille is funny in her interview by joking about using the hedge trimmer to get rid of Kelsey’s back hair. Back in the limo, they laugh at men now man-scaping, which disgusts Kim and totally amuses me. That’s the kind of stuff I like to talk about with my friends.

Girl talk at dinner, starting with dating. Camille wants to ease into dating. First Camille says that kissing is super important to her and she doesn’t want to be intimate with someone who she isn’t completely digging on their kisses, but then she says Kelsey is a terrible kisser. Which, well, doesn’t really surprise me, but still. She contradicts herself. Still I relate, because I know what it feels like to have been in love with someone and walk away admitting that that person really wasn’t great in bed.Clearly Camille wasn’t interested in Kelsey in much of a sexual way anyway, since even when they were married it came out that they basically never had sex. The subject then changes to admitting to making mistakes, then quickly turns to family talk. Kyle thinks it’s all good with Kim, Kim interviews that she’s not over what happened.

The next morning, the ladies all gather in the kitchen in their PJ’s and begin to make breakfast. Taylor and Lisa were the first in the kitchen, which was completely awkward. Taylor doesn’t have another mean girl to back her up, so she plays nice with Lisa. I’m quite enjoying this ep with more random moments of them just hanging out and chatting. When every moment of every ep is about some stupid feud and how each person feels about it, it gets very trying. Their ski concierge, John, interrupts the breakfast chatter with his arrival. He starts to help Kim get her ski boots on, while the others joke and wonder if he’s married. He’s not, and as Kim is standing above him and his head is totally crotch level, Lisa says “Kim, grab him by the ears”, which thoroughly embarrasses Kim. The others are hunched over laughing. Shit, so I am. I love Lisa sometimes. They go off and ski and eat chocolate chip cookies. Nothing of note there, expect I decided I might have to make sure I get in a horrendous picture of Taylor every episode from now on.

Doesn't she look about 75 years old here? Jesus.

Back at Camille’s, the ladies all retire to their rooms. Kyle and Taylor head off to the jacuzzi. Taylor talks about herself of course, and how she wants her marriage to work and doesn’t want to be alone. Kyle is a bit confused as Taylor talks about getting over anger and makes other vague statements that indicate she’s holding back a lot of information. Hot damn, Taylor completely fucked up her face. First she’s got weird veins around her eyes, I suppose from too much botox or whatever she does. But with her hair pulled off her face, her lips are truly, truly grotesque. The thing is, I’m sure Taylor would be quite lovely without having to do all that shit to her face. Taylor cries some more about the state of her marriage, and Kyle wonders allowed why Taylor is holding onto something that is clearly making her so unhappy. Kyle points out in an interview that that Taylor is stressed, losing weight and not eating. She asks Taylor why she wants it to work, and Taylor can’t answer.

As am I, Taylor.

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