So remember how last week it was really fun and silly? Well, that’s all over now. It quickly became the “Taylor looks really ugly when she cries” episode.

We’re back where we left off last week, with the girls rousing from their naps and freshening up for dinner. Kim interviews that she was half asleep and Taylor came in and jumped on her. We see Taylor and Kim laying in bed together, where Taylor endlessly whines about what a loser she thinks she is. “If you were going to bet on someone, I would never bet on me”.  Talks about growing up poor and how afraid she is of going back to that. Kim encourages her. Taylor says it’s easy to be drawn to Adrienne because she has no problems. Kim interjects that everyone has problems and less than desirable things happen to them, but to focus on the good things. Taylor “I feel so fragile because of everything I’m going through. I feel so bad about what I’ve done to you.” I have a feeling that word ‘fragile’ is going to be used a lot this season. I’m passing out shots. We get a flashback of Taylor threatening to go Oklahoma on Kim’s ass. Kyle jumps in bed and asks what’s going on. Taylor apologizes to Kim and says “I was such an asshole to you.” Kim agrees with her and they all laugh hysterically.

We get more shots of the kitchen staff preparing dinner. Kyle comes in and greets them, asking their names, then wonders where all of the girls are. Back in her room, Kim reveals that Taylor is hiding in Kyle’s suitcase. At this point, Taylor is just being a little silly and needy. They baby her and urge her to go get ready. Taylor’s hair looks like refried shit. Kyle and Kim each separately go to check on Taylor and get yanked into the room by Taylor. Okay, it’s getting a little weird now. Kim, probably starting to get a little tired of this, goes to Adrienne and urges her to check in on Taylor. Taylor, needing everyone in the house’s attention, is now bothering Lisa, who has gripped her elbows and asked her what’s going on. Taylor whines that her makeup is gone. Adrienne comes in and Taylor yanks herself out of Lisa’s grip and brats off. For whatever reason, everyone except Camille goes in and looks around for this fucking makeup bag. The makeup bag is found by Kyle in what I think was Kyle’s bathroom, and Taylor insists she didn’t leave it there. Everyone urges her to get ready. Throughout this whole segment, everyone interviews about how weird the behavior is, thinking it’s the altitude and she had too much to drink.

Lisa and Camille discuss Taylor a bit. Everyone goes to sit down in the kitchen, I guess for drinks and appetizers before sitting down for dinner. Taylor walks in and is almost a walking skeleton–she’s sickeningly skinny. Taylor talks about how she never eats. Kyle, continuing to coddle Taylor, brings her some coke(the soda, not the thing everyone thinks Kim is on) and puts some lip gloss on her. Holy shit. I swear that scene is just there because during my recap of last week’s show, I decided to get a picture of how disgusting Taylor’s lips look in every ep. Taylor purses her lips for the gloss, and I swear I recoiled in disgust.

*screaming in terror*

Taylor is wondering why she needs lip gloss. Which is actually the most sense she’s made this whole episode. Why is she putting on lipstick when she’s about to eat? And why did they all get kinda dressed up if it was just the group of them eating in Camille’s dining room? I mean, Kim was in the bathroom essentially putting on stage makeup.  Adrienne tells Taylor that she’s having a nervous breakdown. She pulls her off to the side and whispers to her to pull it together. I know Adrienne did this because she felt she was trying to save Taylor from completely embarrassing herself on tv, but it’s really all for naught, since I feel like Taylor is just soaking up the attention. Taylor drunkenly apologizes to Camille.

Best line in this whole ep? Kyle, saying in an interview “I feel bad for Taylor, but we’re on vacation; come on.” Nice to see Kyle getting a little fed up with this bullshit. Maybe I’m just a stone cold bitch, but I would never coddle a person acting the way Taylor is during this ep. I would have encouraged her to get on the phone with her therapist, rather than enable all the crying about how fragile she thinks she is. At the table, Taylor blurts out to Camille that being in Mason’s room set her off, because she was “recognizing what he did to you.” I’m completely disturbed at this point. And just fucking sick of Taylor’s ass. Camille, not really knowing what to do, embraces her. Then Taylor reveals what I’m thinking, that it’s not really that she’s upset for what happened to Camille, but “It could happen to my own child.”, so once again, it’s really all about Taylor. Lisa is behind Camille, looking concerned, but in an interview she says “Taylor always looks like such a victim to me, she seems to dissolve into tears at all times.”  Sing it, Lisa. And she’s being far nicer about it than I am able to be.

They all sit around and focus on Taylor. I would love to know what was going on in their minds as they looked at her, because, my God, she looks terrible. It just can’t be said enough. Kyle, meanwhile, looks completely over the “Feel Sorry for Taylor” show.

Taylor talks more about having hope, they all talk about loneliness and being strong. Taylor cries, looks kinda crazy, and seems to truly enjoy being the center of attention.

We are treated to a completely unnecessary scene back in LA with Paul, Mauricio and Ken out for a drink. Why does Bravo do this? Why do we need a shot of the guys going out while the girls are on a trip? Mauricio is jealous that they got to go to CO, suggests the guys go heli-skiing. Which–I have no idea what that is. Ken’s too old, he says. Russell is in San Diego and couldn’t join the guys. Paul interviews that “who knows what’s going on” re:Taylor/Russell. Ken tells them he’s sorry he made the comments he did about therapy because Taylor ended up hurt by it.

Unfortunately, back in Colorado, they are still talking about Taylor. She insists that Russell doesn’t cheat on her, they all feel that’s not a good enough reason not to leave. Lisa wonders how fast everyone would leave if they got hit by their husbands. She asks Taylor if she thinks she deserves better; Taylor doesn’t think she does. Seriously ladies, please suggest she leave the table right now to get her shrink on the phone, rather than continue all this encouraging bullshit. They assure her she’s not a failure.

Taylor sobs, “But I’m in love with him, and that’s what makes me so sad.” Really, Taylor? Because last season you went on and on about how your marriage was essentially a business arrangement and how sad it made you that you, basically, weren’t in love with each other. Someone asks if she’s in love with him or just afraid of being alone. She has no response.  FINA-fucking-LLY, someone changes the subject. Kim jokes around to break the tension. Kim’s goofiness works out in times like this.

They arrive back in LA, and Adrienne shocks the hell out of me by taking her sunglasses off in the car on the ride home with Kyle, to reveal she’s not wearing makeup. Truthfully, she doesn’t look at that great since her plastic surgery is more evident, but it’s refreshing to see someone on this show be seen without makeup. I’ve gotten sick of the fake eyelashes every damn day, everywhere. That’s why I tend to prefer the first seasons of all these shows, when they don’t know yet how they look on TV, and don’t opt to have a makeup artist and hairstylist on call for filming days.  They discuss Taylor, of course.

In Malibu, Camille’s only friend Dedra sits with her and briefly discuss the trip. I really wonder if they ever talk about Dedra’s life. Camille again says she doesn’t need to maintain the Malibu house(although notes that she can afford it), but isn’t ready to give it up and move her kids.

Kyle and Maurico go to Frida. Guess what they talk about? Not only did they talk about Taylor, but Kyle called her fragile. I’m passing out Vegas Bomb shots. Bottoms up. Mauricio is very diplomatic and is glad to hear Kyle telling him what a great time Kim seemed to have, but in an interview he admits he’s hurt by what Kim said about him during the big blowout and hopes she apologizes to him someday.

Lisa takes Ken to look at the open space next to their restaurant Sur and tries to sell him on the idea of them purchasing it to expand Sur. Although I’m glad that Taylor is not discussed here, it’s boring. Ken wants to retire. Lisa is willing to give him an additional blow job on top of the two a year she now gives.

Jesus, this ep is never-ending. Adrienne packs for Sacramento while Paul talks on the phone about security concerns. Adrienne interviews that it might be their last game in Sacramento, as her ten year mission to get thema new arena hasn’t worked out and they might need to move the team. Paul doesn’t want them to go because he’s worried about how the fans will react to her presence as the owner.

Taylor’s life coach comes by. Oh for fuck’s…So on top of seeing her shrink, she has her life coach to “help me find my voice and speak up for myself more frequently.” They talk about Colorado, and Taylor doesn’t give many details but downplays it by saying she thinks she had a panic attack. She interviews that she should never have talked to her friends about her marriage, that it only confused her and complicated matters. I’m going to read into that and say I think she’s mainly embarrassed that she acted so fucking looney tunes in front of them, and doesn’t want to be so candid again for fear of them withdrawing from her. Life coach tells her she’s doing amazing.

Adrienne and Paul argue in the limo about what suite she’s going to sit in at the game. She interviews that she thinks Paul overstepped his boundaries, and tells him not to interfere with her business. They get on the phone to call Kim, who was supposed to go with them. She says the reason for this is to spend more alone time with Kim, but frankly I think it was more because they knew the cameras would come along, thus getting the team a little more exposure. Kim comes off more than a little bit loopy on the call and slurs through the excuse that her power went out and now she’s getting ready and she’s sorry and she’ll be there in “literally, ten minutes”. Paul doesn’t want to wait for her, knowing she’s at home and most likely about an hour and a half away from arriving. Paul insists that she sounds drunk, and Adrienne tries to reason that Kim was sick on the trip so that’s probably what’s really wrong with her.

Next week, the real shit starts when Brandi Glanville arrives on the scene.

I’m going to choose not to comment on the stupid new opening credits they have for the women. At least for the time being.

Kyle moves into her new house, which she says was her dream house for awhile and she wished it into being hers. 7000 square feet with 7 bedrooms. She and Mauricio spot a framed wedding photo and talk about how they couldn’t put it up at their last house, which I’m completely puzzled about. Why not? Makes zero sense to me. I’ve noticed more and more  that I only really seem to enjoy Kyle when she’s with Mauricio and the kids. She’s so charming on those occasions.

Next we’re in Lisa’s amazing closet, which is probably the same size as my entire apartment. She asks her housekeeper for help in packing, as Camille has invited them all out to her house in Beaver Creek, CO before she sells the house. She picks up Giggy a couple of times and kisses him with her lips slightly parted, then calls him a “little sexy boy”.

Adrienne packs while Paul and their dogs look on. She again talks to Paul like he’s a child when she gives him instructions for while she’s away. These instructions include: Drive slow. Lock the doors. Keep the dog inside. Paul is a little annoyed at her instructions and begs off to go wash dog slobber off his hands, but Adrienne insists on first giving him directions. Paul exhales impatiently, much like a child, and Adrienne is taken aback. “Wooow”, she marvels. She interviews that he gives it back to her and she knew that when they got married. He leaves the room and they briefly compete for the dog’s attention.

Taylor and Adrienne travel to the airport together and discuss therapy and marriage. Taylor admits that she basically relinquished all control to Russell and is just now getting up enough strength to do small things like voice her opinion on where to go to dinner. Now, even keeping in mind Taylor’s claims that Russell was physically abusive, I’m still skeptical in this instance. I get the vibe that Taylor was always one of those “whatever you like” kinda girls when she hooked up with Russell, rather than him demanding they eat dinner at whatever place he decided. I know too many girls who, when their boyfriend asks where they should go for dinner, respond with “Oh, I don’t know. Wherever you want to go”. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I pick up that vibe from Taylor, big time.

All of the women, aside from Camille, meet up and prepare to board the plane. Kim is super hyper and acting like this is her first ever vacation. Lisa is visibly annoyed that everyone doesn’t get their shit together and immediately get on the plane. Once on the plane, Kim starts looking at guys, then we see both her and Adrienne punching some guy in the ass while he says “Buns of steel”. Lisa interviews that she’s annoyed by the middle school antics, and we see Kyle tickling a napping Lisa’s nose with a makeup brush. Lisa, don’t be a Caroline Manzo. If you’re going to travel with a bunch of other people, you’re going to have to accept that they will be annoying and tardy; relinquish control and just have a good time. I would’ve been yucking it up with Kim and Adrienne and punching Buns of Steel guy’s ass too, so I guess I’m 13 forever in my heart. They arrive in CO and learn that 25 miles of the main highway are closed and they will have to travel 4 hours to get to Camille’s, which pisses them all off. I would’ve been on my smart phone googling this to make sure it was legit and not producer-driven.

We see Camille setting things up at her Colorado house, which is just fucking awesome. She shows her assistant the house, which is kind of weird to me, because you would think she had been there before or at least arrived with Camille and already seen everything before the cameras were there. Also possible one of the producers urged her to give a tour of the house for the camera. Camille admits she has to sell the house because of the divorce. For whatever reason, her daughter Mason’s room has a full-sized crib in it, and Mason is like 9 at this point. It holds an enormous bear, so maybe she kept it in the room to hold Mason’s stuffed animals. Camille is looking a bit haggard in her interview, I must say.

Back in the limo, Kim is sprawled out like it’s a slumber party and just gabbing away. Kyle, straight up starting some shit, asks Lisa “Was Ken mad at me the other night?” Lisa is annoyed but remains non-confrontational and brief with her answers. She rightly states that “that’s his opinion; he’s entitled to it”. Taylor gets a bitchy look on her face and practically puffs her chest up, saying “But no one really asked for his opinion.” You are so fucking wrong, Taylor, not to mention completely childish.  What I can’t stand about Taylor is that she has no fucking balls unless she’s got someone there that she thinks is going to back her up. Now that Kyle brings this subject up, suddenly Taylor’s got shit to say. Also Taylor? The conversation was between Lisa and Kyle, so you’re interjecting your own damn opinion yourself. I could actually see on Kyle’s face that she thought that was a bitch move by Taylor too, but she says nothing. Kyle interviews that it bothered her that Lisa was siding with her husband whether she felt he was right or wrong. Would you not defend your own husband, Kyle? Lisa’s answers were pretty diplomatic. She put all the responsibility for Ken’s comments on him without agreeing/disagreeing with those opinions, and still supported his right to speak for himself. Taylor is fidgeting with her hair and in a bratty tone repeats that no one asked for his opinion. Lisa, saying what I’m thinking, “Well I don’t think you have to ask for someone’s opinion when you’re sitting at a dinner party.” Fist pump. Taylor sits there for a second, ’cause she knows she cannot go toe-to-toe with Lisa, who will not hesitate to tell her what’s what—and that’s why Taylor is so scared of Lisa. Taylor brats, “He said therapy’s for weak people!!” Dumb.ass. bitch. He did no such thing. And hey Taylor, if you don’t want to appear weak, it’s best not to put words into people’s mouths. Lisa shuts her ass down. “Maybe you need to have this argument with him. End of story.” Taylor looks intimidated as hell here. Lisa rocked the house in that altercation, making me forgetting about how uptight she had been acting thus far this ep.

The women finally arrive at Camille’s and jump out of the car, greeting Camille enthusiastically. Kyle voices over that she’s so happy to see Camille after being trapped in the car with the others. Fuck right off, Kyle. I don’t want to hear any complaints when you stirred some shit back in that limo. Lisa jokes in an interview about Camille’s now dire situation with now being down to two enormous houses. Camille TH’s that two of the ladies will have to share a room, and she thinks it’s more fun to let them choose themselves. Drama is avoided though, as Kyle and Kim agree that the most sensible thing is for the two sisters to share a room.

They all get dolled up for dinner and head out in the limo. They talk about going somewhere so Kim and Camille can look for guys. Kim says to think of it like lifting a large weight, and Camille gets a dig on Kelsey by adding “a large, smelly, hairy weight”. Kyle interviews that Camille is so fun and happy now, and Camille is funny in her interview by joking about using the hedge trimmer to get rid of Kelsey’s back hair. Back in the limo, they laugh at men now man-scaping, which disgusts Kim and totally amuses me. That’s the kind of stuff I like to talk about with my friends.

Girl talk at dinner, starting with dating. Camille wants to ease into dating. First Camille says that kissing is super important to her and she doesn’t want to be intimate with someone who she isn’t completely digging on their kisses, but then she says Kelsey is a terrible kisser. Which, well, doesn’t really surprise me, but still. She contradicts herself. Still I relate, because I know what it feels like to have been in love with someone and walk away admitting that that person really wasn’t great in bed.Clearly Camille wasn’t interested in Kelsey in much of a sexual way anyway, since even when they were married it came out that they basically never had sex. The subject then changes to admitting to making mistakes, then quickly turns to family talk. Kyle thinks it’s all good with Kim, Kim interviews that she’s not over what happened.

The next morning, the ladies all gather in the kitchen in their PJ’s and begin to make breakfast. Taylor and Lisa were the first in the kitchen, which was completely awkward. Taylor doesn’t have another mean girl to back her up, so she plays nice with Lisa. I’m quite enjoying this ep with more random moments of them just hanging out and chatting. When every moment of every ep is about some stupid feud and how each person feels about it, it gets very trying. Their ski concierge, John, interrupts the breakfast chatter with his arrival. He starts to help Kim get her ski boots on, while the others joke and wonder if he’s married. He’s not, and as Kim is standing above him and his head is totally crotch level, Lisa says “Kim, grab him by the ears”, which thoroughly embarrasses Kim. The others are hunched over laughing. Shit, so I am. I love Lisa sometimes. They go off and ski and eat chocolate chip cookies. Nothing of note there, expect I decided I might have to make sure I get in a horrendous picture of Taylor every episode from now on.

Doesn't she look about 75 years old here? Jesus.

Back at Camille’s, the ladies all retire to their rooms. Kyle and Taylor head off to the jacuzzi. Taylor talks about herself of course, and how she wants her marriage to work and doesn’t want to be alone. Kyle is a bit confused as Taylor talks about getting over anger and makes other vague statements that indicate she’s holding back a lot of information. Hot damn, Taylor completely fucked up her face. First she’s got weird veins around her eyes, I suppose from too much botox or whatever she does. But with her hair pulled off her face, her lips are truly, truly grotesque. The thing is, I’m sure Taylor would be quite lovely without having to do all that shit to her face. Taylor cries some more about the state of her marriage, and Kyle wonders allowed why Taylor is holding onto something that is clearly making her so unhappy. Kyle points out in an interview that that Taylor is stressed, losing weight and not eating. She asks Taylor why she wants it to work, and Taylor can’t answer.

As am I, Taylor.

I’m sure Andy Cohen shit a brick when Russell Armstrong committed suicide just weeks before season 2 of RHOBH premiered. No doubt there are many hours of Taylor’s big lips and forehead vein whining about how unloved she is on the cutting room floor, due to all of the editing that had to quickly take place. Oh shit, I guess since everything is digital now, the term “cutting room floor” is now obsolete.  But “dragged to recycle bin” is far less dramatic.

We’re informed that this day of filming is Aug.29. So Bravo decided to just address the suicide right off, rather than start with a Black Screen of Doom. Somber music plays as Kyle enters Lisa’s house, later followed by Lisa, Ken, Mauricio and Camille. All are dressed in dark clothes since this was all organized for them to be able to reflect on the suicide. Kim shows up, and clearly wanted to hang onto the last few acceptable days of wearing white before Labor Day takes that fashion choice away. Led by Adrienne, they all discuss how they didn’t see this coming, etc. We get a loving shot of Mauricio caressing Kyle’s hand, then the cameraman pans up to Kyle’s face. I’m immediately taken aback by Kyle’s lips. I don’t know if she’s just been using Joey New York Lip Plumper or her new closeness with Taylor has caused her to go running in to get injections, but something is going on with her lips. Is it just me? I only partially listen as they all discuss how the suicide was Russell’s choice, wasn’t Taylor’s fault, their hearts go out to Taylor, blahblahblah. I’m bored already. Bring on Brandi Glanville.

Bravo covers it’s ass. “The events depicted in this series were recorded prior to the death of Russell Armstrong.”

Quick recap of Season 1. Adrienne and Paul bicker. Lisa and Cedric enjoy each others company. Kelsey and Camille split up, due to Kelsey’s affair. Taylor cries about her marriage. Kyle and Camille butt heads. Kim and Kyle fight. What I take away from that is that these are all of the things we are going to revisit this season.

Lisa goes to the beauty salon, where she meets her daughter Pandora and Lisa pressures her about getting married. For whatever reason, there is a camera crew at Lisa’s house while neither she or Ken are home. How very convenient that Pandora’s boyfriend Jason just happens to show up to see Ken. Ken, full-time dog walker, returns. Jason asks for Pandora’s hand in marriage. Ken is delighted. I’m bored. And wondering if the Lisa/Cedric friendship was what got her cast on the show, because I’m realizing her only storylines this season seem to be her daughter’s engagement and how she carts around Giggy. Don’t get mewrong, Lisa was my favorite “character” last season, but I have no interest in what her dog is doing or wearing.

Cut to Kyle’s house, where she and her family pack up their house that’s now been sold. I love how Kyle interviews, “We needed more space.” How precious. That house is probably 5,000 square feet. I don’t mean to sound bitter, but I’m one of four kids and I doubt we ever lived in a house more than 1500 square feet throughout my whole childhood. Mauricio continues to be hot. Portia continues to be adorable. Kyle spots a picture of her mother on the shelf, and interviews about her mom/Kim/emotions. Perfect segue for the editors, so we’re now at Kim’s house, where her daughter answers Kyle’s call. Kim interviews that she’s been ignoring Kyle’s calls and needs more time to heal from their on-camera blow up. Back to Kyle interviewing that their mom would be sad over all of this. Kim, however, interviews that she needs a storyline this season doesn’t want to let it go.  My fascination with Kyle’s lips this episode continues, as she’s wearing a horrible frosted lipstick shade. Kyle, honey, please no. I don’t think I can do screen shots, so forgive me, but here’s the best I could do.

Let’s check in with Camille next. She and her only friend Dedra go to look at a delivery from her Hamptons house. Camille voices over that she needs to “simplify my life.It’s only me and my two kids. I don’t need to maintain 5 acres of land anymore”. Camille, your household reduced in size by one person, who by your own admission wasn’t even living there that last year of your marriage. I’d have much more respect for Camille if she would just be real and admit that Kelsey was the main breadwinner and she can not afford the same lifestyle she did during her marriage. She’ll still be living large, so I’m not feeling sorry for her. Camille and Dedra look through the furniture Kelsey sent. Camille opens a box and discovers her “Hamptons summer shoe collection” and laughs a bit over how Kelsey’s girlfriend packed all of her stuff up. She tells a story about the attorney calling and telling her not to get upset, but the girlfriend moved all of her clothes out of the bedroom. I don’t see why this is so surprising to her, since the way she tells the story, it occured after the actual split. Of course he’s going to move all of your shit out. I’m going to one up Camille here and tell my own little story: After my split with my ex-fiance(who left for another woman, just like Kelsey did, and married her immediately, just like Kelsey did), we went through a long custody battle. During this, we rotated weeks in the house, so that our daughter stayed living in the house at all times, but we came and went; meaning I’d live in the house for one week with my daughter, he’d come in on Friday night and spend the following week living there with my daughter(while I stayed elsewhere). During that time, my ex’s girlfriend got so comfortable that she hung her clothes up in the closet me and my ex still shared. So, I win, Camille. Camille interviews that a friend of her told her “Expect the worst and you won’t be disappointed”. Camille doesn’t get that that quote is meant to inspire you to think positive in your life, rather than focus on the negativity. But if she took it that way, she wouldn’t be able to bitch about Kelsey. Which, by the way, I can’t completely blame her for. I think they should both shut up because their kids will hear and see this all, but at the same time, she was basically humiliated by her husband while being filmed for a reality show that she claims he pushed her to do. It doesn’t escape me that Camille was not happy with her edit last season and is totally looking to redeem herself this time around, so I’m wary of her. But I admit I relate a lot to what she’s going through as far as the embarrassing way her marriage ended.

Adrienne’s house. She interviews that she and her husband Paul enjoy each other’s company but only “in small doses”. Paul and Adrienne meet up with chef Bernie in their awesome kitchen to talk about the menu for a dinner party they are planning. It really annoys me that the ladies always have to pull some bullshit story about why they are going on a trip or having a dinner party. Bravo needs them to interact and they have to create events to make this possible. Why pretend anything less? Chef Bernie hates Lisa because she made a remark about the food at a prior event at Adrienne’s house. Apparently Adrienne got the memo that her and Paul’s shtick is to play the Bickersons, because they are going full out with that already this season. They disagree about the menu and then leave the room, chef Bernie shaking his head in disgust. Adrienne interviews that “Two hours is a long time” with Paul. Yikes.

Kyle meets Taylor to shop for an outfit to wear to Adrienne’s dinner party/screening of Camille’s appearance on Shit My Dad Says. Really, she needs a brand new outfit for this? Taylor rushes in, panicked that she saw Cedric and doesn’t want to talk to him for fear of incurring Lisa’s wrath. She then voices that she’s afraid of  Lisa and finds her intimidating. Lisa interviews that she’s reserved with Taylor, saying “if I’m going to invest in a friend, I want to know that I’m getting the truth.” Basically a polite way of saying she suspects Taylor is a fake ass bitch. Which, well, I’ve always felt is sort of written all over Taylor’s face. It’s the lips! How does she look at herself in the mirror?! Taylor goes on to talk a little bit of shit about Lisa. Kyle reassures her.

We’re back at Paul and Adrienne’s, and it’s the day of the party. Adrienne is annoyed that Paul said he’d help but spent the day golfing. I want to know what she needed help with, though. She’s got a staff to clean and prepare her house, and has a chef there to prepare and serve dinner. What is there left for Adrienne to do but entertain her guests? Adrienne continues to be annoyed with Paul as they get ready, and talks to him like he’s a child. I’m uncomfortable watching, because so far in this ep, she seems so humorless when Paul’s around. I know they said last season that they bicker and that’s just what they do, but with all her talk about only liking him in small doses, I don’t even see how she married him. I’m distracted by Adrienne’s awesome shoe shelving and wedding gown display.

Covet.

Tell me this isn't motherfucking awesome.

We see the staff doing the prep work for dinner, while Paul and Adrienne dress their new puppy Jackpot in a leather jacket. “Eat your heart out, Giggy.”, one says. Really? Really? Oh, Adrienne, I expected better from you. Please don’t set up a blog and Twitter for Jackpot, or I will lose total respect for you. I’m already overlooking the unnecessary plastic surgery and hideous cowgirl outfit from last season.

The ladies start arriving, and they all wear dresses in similar shades and laugh over it. Then Kim arrives in an odd country western type jacket. Kim is so oblivious at times; I actually find it delightful.

Ken and Lisa arrive, Giggy in tow. When Adrienne sees them, she immediately lifts up Jackpot to show them. Ken interviews that “A lot of dogs get jealous of Giggy…get jealous of his clothing and his beautiful face.” Ken. Please. It’s a fucking dog. I really hope Pandora immediately has a few babies after getting married so Ken and Lisa have something else to do.

Paul gets in the only good line in the show when he interviews that he has “seen glimpses of Camille’s other acting work, AKA, The Naked Detective.” They all watch Shit My Dad Says in a theater room. Camille’s acting is as sub-par as I expected, but the girls all laugh hysterically at every line.

They move to the dining room for dinner. Bitchy chef Bernie helps Camille with her chair and tells her “You’re the only one thin enough for this side.” I guess that was a burn on Lisa, but I actually didn’t think it was funny since I actually think Lisa has a fantastic shape. Paul and Adrienne  bicker about opening the champagne and making a toast. Adrienne chastises Paul; “Don’t be rude. You’re being rude.” Which, is completely rude of Adrienne to talk to her husband like that in front of her guests. This goes on long enough to make everyone at the table uncomfortable, leading Lisa to have to tell them to stop. Which Adrienne doesn’t immediately do. This is just the kind of person I am, but I can’t help but wonder what Paul and Adrienne’s sex life is like. One hopes that all the bickering and “I can’t stand Paul” stuff is all some sort of foreplay and behind closed doors, Paul is getting it on the regular. Erm, from Adrienne, I should clarify. Although I doubt this since he seemed surprised that she even touched him in the bathroom while he was getting ready.

Paul asks Taylor “What’s happening with you guys?”, leading her to talk about entering therapy to work on her marriage. Others at the table discuss making marriage work and the benefits of therapy. Ken makes various comments that he absolutely wouldn’t go to therapy, wouldn’t want his wife to either, believes the husband’s role is to make the wife happy and just give in, and doesn’t see why he should pay for a third party to fix his marriage. Finally, he says that he would feel weak. The record scratched in Taylor’s head and she interviews “Did he just call me weak?” No, Taylor, he clearly expressed that HE  would feel weak. Taylor takes this personally, and leaves the table to go off and cry. Kyle follows her and Taylor makes it all about her in the bathroom. Kyle enables her a bit here and then says “At least you avoided drama”. Followed by Kyle returning to the table and causing some drama with Ken when he asks if Taylor may have been offended. I’m starting to feel like Taylor and Kyle are two peas in a pod, because they both thrive on drama. Taylor could have easily said, “We’ll have to agree to disagree, Ken. I’m finding therapy really helpful. You’re lucky your marriage has fared so well.” Ken would have more than likely seen that he’d put his foot in his mouth and apologized if he’d hurt her. Although, I don’t really see anything wrong with what Ken said. They were all expressing their opinions on therapy, his was just a differing one. Kyle really should have said “Yes, I think perhaps she was a bit hurt by your comment; maybe you should take it up with her instead of me though”, rather than snapping at Ken to “Relax!”  Ken tries to clear the air with Taylor when she returns, and she admits his comment bothered her. Ken insists her wouldn’t attack her and Taylor admits she’s fragile right now. See now, that all could have been cleared up a few minutes before that, with no need to run off to the bathroom to cry about it.

Wait, I forgot to mention the scene right before this where we are treated to the site of Giggy drinking out of Ken’s glass at the table. Few things repulse me as much as a dog in the dining room. It doesn’t end there, though. Immediately after Giggy finishes drinking, Ken drinks out of the same fucking glass. I just can’t, you guys. I understand loving your pets, but they are animals!! We don’t share glasses, plates or utensils with them! *dry heave* I’m not going to even touch on why the fuck they need to bring the dog to social events. Perhaps they feel it’s okay since he generally stays out of the way, and is sickly so Adrienne already knows Lisa will be bringing him along since they are neighbors and frequent guests in each other’s homes.

Lisa has had enough of Taylor’s drama-loving ass and says she needs to pick someone up from the airport and they have to leave shortly. I assume it’s a lie since she would more than likely have mentioned to them when they arrived that they had to leave by a certain time.  Nevertheless, they were polite about it and graciously thanked their hosts as they left. Taylor, in an interview, says “As usual, once again, I feel judged.” Oh, Taylor, go fuck yourself. You are far too caught up in what other people think about you and what they might be saying.

Boring start to the season, but the season preview indicates there will be a fair share of finger waving by Kyle and bitch calling by several of them. I look forward to this.

Props to Humanity Critic for sharing…

Anyhow, Lady Gaga’s second hit is getting regular play and as much as I feel like it sounds kind of outdated, I kinda love it.

It makes me want to go live out True Life:I’m a Jersey Shore Girl. Go head out to “the shore” and hit some techno club and dance with overmuscled, spikey haired dude with orange skin. Preferably in a room filled with bubble foam, or whatever that shit is that they do. And I am not even making fun of shore-goers; I truly think that would be a lot of fun.

I think I want to have a party and insist that people dress like this at the party. 80s night is apparantly something white people enjoy, but how about an Early 90s Night? Where everyone wears either Cross Colours or team jerseys/jackets and dances around to Heavy D. Whaddya think? Slow dancing to Jodeci like it’s a 7th grade dance all over again?

Side note:I did a google search on Cross Colours clothing and came up with this picture.I was highly amused. I love the look on the guy’s face. Also, speaking of early 90s—I used to wear headbands kinda like hers all.the.time. But with my bangs pulled through the front and standing up tall. “The Wave”, we called it. I think I destroyed most of those pictures at this point.

Admit it, you loved this song. And probably still do.

And if you look at the other stories on the righ of that page, she’s not the only Floridian to call 911 over a fast food chain not having what they want.

I don’t get why they didn’t just give her a refund in the first place though. I also don’t get how people get so worked up over fast food(because, for real, she could have just driven a few more minutes to another McDonalds). I worked at McDonald’s for 2 years as my first job(and we killed it:our service was fantastic) and people got pissed off at the most random, stupid shit. Let me let y’all in on something: getting worked up and yelling in that environment only does one thing: guarantees we will be back in the break room making fun of your ass on our next break. We’re not tripping over your outburst over having to pay for that extra slice of cheese. ‘Nother little tidbit: Remember when McDonald’s had that 2 for $2 special on either Big Macs or Quarter Pounders? I once has someone ask me “How much is the 2 for 2?”. SMH.

Damn, I think I want a Quarter Pounder now…

Photo credit: Orangeya on flickr

This week’s viewings:

Gone, Baby, Gone: [Boston accent]Wicked awesome[/Boston accent]. No, but seriously, great movie. Directorial debut of Ben Affleck—I was impressed. You know what was sweet? In the credits of the movie, the first two people he thanks are Jennifer Affleck and Matt Damon. Awww. I love the Ben and Matt friendship. (proof of whiteness) Watch this movie.

Flags of Our Fathers: Kind of boring….but Ryan Phillippe looks damn good in uniform. I like WWII movies but this one wasn’t moving me.

Friday Night Lights:Season One: Okay, so far? Totally in love with this show. And Drunken Bee’s recaps over at Television Without Pity make it that much more fun. I especially enjoy the mentions of Kyle Chandler’s hair’s acting. Season 2 is on hold at the library right now. I love TV on DVD.